Saturday, October 3, 2009

lantern festival 2009

Ahh... Now, isn't it the time of year again...

Children of all ages taking out their weapons of choice- be it candles or sparkles- to wreak destruction on the playgrounds, leaving nothing but a sight for sore eyes for cleaners the next morning. Ironic isn't it? But alas, I've to admit it's the only time when it's somewhat 'legal' to set things on fire which I'm only too willing to oblige. [If there is anything I'm guilty of, this is it.] Throw in some yummy mooncakes coupled with a few cups of aromatic green tea into the picture and you got my typical annual schedule for lantern festival. :)

Now, back to serious business...

It's just 9 days away from the 12th of october and nothing says it better than STRESS!!!! For those who have question marks forming above their heads, the 12th of october marks the start of my intensive promotional examinations. Why am I panicking, you ask? Well, that's because I've no idea how in heavens can I even make it to the passing grade! I'm sorry my dear readers, this time I can no longer offer any assurance that even if I were to study real hard, I can still overcome this momentous obstacle. For me, I've never heard of any saying that state that last minute cramming can enable you to pass a subject those lectures you'd daydreamed through or just plain don't get it. It's the ultimate joke on my O levels grades!

Also, I'm regretfully sorry for not updating for so long. I've been really, really busy with my project work, spending less than 4 hours of sleep for the past few days cramming for the damning subject. Come to think of it, the wariness it brought could be one of the many reasons my tolerance level for nonsense snapped...

Okok, I'll give you the lowdown on what happened. My group and I were having one of our numerous online meeting when I just walk out on them angrily, ignoring most of the calls one of my group mate's dialed to apologize and hanging up the calls before he could finish. Did I take in any satisfaction from all of it? Call me devilish but I definitely did because after that episode, I found those culprits responsible for my outburst of anger continuously apologizing for their behavior. Well, what would you have done when you are faced with a project deadline the next morning yet your mates are asking silly questions like: "when are we finishing?", "are we done yet?", "Can I go eat?" or "Can I take a bath?" when not a single part of your agenda has been fulfilled? Can I add that this was not the first time?

Before I go overboard on the comments, good luck to all my dear friends taking the O and N levels this year and may all of you achieve the grade of your dreams!!! Happy Lantern Festival everyone!
10:45 PM | 0 comments

Saturday, September 5, 2009

a long awaited break...finally



OK... let me scan through my list of things and assignments i need to complete by 14 September...

  • Study for General Paper examination
  • Study for Mathematics test
  • Study for Mother Tongue examination
  • Study for International History test
  • Overdue Assignments: physic w.s., maths reflection, Project Work-Written Report draft (2), Chinese Essay and exercise
  • General Paper holiday assignment-worksheet
  • Economics holiday Project-education
  • Maths holiday assignment x2
  • History: IH Essay, SEA Essay, IH & SEA file check
Well, it can't be helped that i've so much to be completed. Seems like it'll keep me rather busy during the holidays. (*Sigh...)

Amidst of all the things i found myself swearing and cursing about, at least the guy whom used to follow me about is off my trail! (^^) A little bit of strategic outcries at prominent locations in front of others is all it took to make him think twice about his actions. Hahas, I'm sorry if I'm sadistic but I feel I took some pleasure out of all this. Take that!

Oh yeah, I finally got down with a fever and got a three-day MC! Yipee! I've since recovered so no H1N1 okay. The point is it's the perfect situation whereas I can have more time to sleep and complete my work that I have been craving for the entire school year! I still have a sore throat that is still bothering me though, but it's worth everything!

Also, I find myself missing playing the clarinet every now and then. To even catch a glimpse of it, be it when the college band people playing it or Squidward playing it during a telecast of Spongebob Squarepants, would make me reminisce all those memorable moments in the school band. Although I did not really like the idea of committing so much of my secondary school time on the instrument at first, it's also the reason why I could learn in the first place. I mean, look around you and see how many could even play an musical instrument properly? The ability to play it is my pride and love, and I can proudly say now that I'd never regretted joining my school band...

Everything is gonna get pretty tough once the holidays end, with the promotions exercise creeping near, but I think I'll survive. After going through all of what the college threw at me since late February, what's to freak up over? If I succeed it's a miracle, if I fail then I had it coming for a long time... What's the worry?

My only true worry is whether I should stay on in college. Yes, I know I'd hated the place ever since I enrolled in it, but I cannot deny I'd learnt plenty and achieved a more mature perspective on the world which is undoubted precious. The world is a harsh arena whereas the weak cannot survive. How sure can I be that enrolling in a polytechnic would assure me with better prospects than I could get from a college? It'll take me a huge leap of faith to transfer out which could cost me big if I fail again. Moreover, another obstacle would be persuading my stubborn father whom I've not communicated with for so long. You could say we're having an icy 'cold war' which I've no idea when it started. Currently, I'm perfectly comfortable with the 'cold war' as it gives me a peace of mind that at least the next moment would not erupt into another heated violent argument.
11:55 PM | 0 comments

Thursday, August 20, 2009

long long post

Hi y'all! I know it's been really long since I’ve last posted but I’ve been really busy lately that I could not even afford to sleep sometimes!

Where to start? Hmm...
Well, for starters, I've passed one of my physics test lately and it's my best achievement for that subject so far! To the extent that my teacher comment on it and encouraged me to keep it up and I would succeed. However, the comment only sank my sprits because she said that just before another test that I did not study properly for.
Bottom line: I failed... badly.
So much for the encouragement...

Oh yes, of course! The college PE department finally found out that I skipped the single group PE lessons and made me attend make-up PE to make for every session I’ve missed. I've to reach school early before assembly starts for three consecutive days per week and complete at least 2.4 Km run and three sets of exercise in limited timing. It's not so bad actually because on paper, I'd skipped only 4 sessions but in reality, I'd actually skipped all of it since the start of the year! (All thanks to the previously teacher who transferred out...)

My teacher has also been putting a lot of pressure on our Project Work and it's evident in the stress my classmates has been experiencing lately. My Project Work group consist of 4 members which includes Sze min - the hardworking one ( I really have to give it to her, she really deserves it!), Leon - the lazy, irritable and surprisingly the driving force behind our work, Shen Han - the quirky but the one behind the innovative ideas that we previously thought crazy and impossible and of course, me. It was hard at first trying to make sense of all the nonsense the guys were up to but I've grown comfortable and trusting of them. Still, they just could not resist testing out my patience and help me practice my warning stare. Love em', hate em'. They are still my group mates till the end of the year...

And now, the most damning problem I'm facing now: It's not how my teacher thought of me, it's not my pathetic grades nor is it the stress I have. It's a freaking tall Indian guy who somehow just doesn’t get the simplest of the English vocabulary and body language! (I’m not kidding when I said he's freaking tall - he's 1.9 m plus in height!) Seriously, don't you hate it at times when you're trying so hard to not offend someone bothering you by expressing obvious body language and he don't get it?!

Firstly, I treat him like any other schoolmates in college; I do have my own comfort zone and breathing space. I mean, I'm not forcing anyone to stop crushing on me, but he does not have to follow me wherever I wanna go! Moreover, trying to join into my project work group discussion and offering to help is not helpful-it's being busybody. Why join a group discussion which you obviously do not know what the context of it nor possess anymore knowledge than us? In summary, it's creepy to know you're being followed by someone you do not fancy!

Secondly, I admit I'm no beauty nor do I pass off as someone who likes being in a large social circle. Why does he think following me around will automatically translate into me accepting him?!!!!!!!!! Arghh!

When I finally confronted him, he commented that there's nothing wrong in following a person around! What nerves! It is when you're threatening my breathing space! Also, I do not think there's even time to pursue relationships in a junior college. If he wants to get my friendly attention, he would have to work for it by respecting my privacy first!

Oh Please... I need my sanity too you know! I think I would have gone insane by his stalking if not for my friends who helped placed a distance between him and my freedom. Oh dear, I think I'm in serious need of an alibi to convince him to stop...

HELP!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

8:05 PM | 0 comments

Saturday, August 8, 2009

Celebrate

To JianWen: You seriously know how to cheer people up. Hahas! Thanks!

Yup, i had to agree... no point thinking of all the million things I hate right now. It's national day and that's one more extra day to clear my damning pile of overdue work!-All those time spent burning midnight oil is putting a strain on my eyes.

One good thing to celebrate: it's down to approximately 11 weeks till the end of the damning school year then i'll be free from those depressing grades! Woo Hoo!

Block test results aka midyear exams
H1 General Paper - E
H1 Mother Tongue - C
H1 Economics - U
H2 Physics - U
H2 Mathematics - S
H2 History - S
*Passing grade is E and grades range from A-E then S and U.

A level points: 17.5 / 100

From the remarks in my report, my physics and maths teacher probably thinks I'm lazy and my economics and history teacher thinks I'm slow... But who cares? I probably never do well anytime, anyway!

12:39 AM | 0 comments

Sunday, July 26, 2009

change of season...

Things have been going tough in my life recently and i can't really put a finger on what's wrong with me.
Is it my change of character, my mental state or it's just my due in time that i will fail from the very start?

Now i know how does a loner truly feels...
It's not that i do not have any friends, i do have friends but not the kind i can really connect to emotionally. The intense heat of the afternoon sun in the college that i swear is unbearable could not even warm the cold empty feeling i have in my heart. The mentality of not being able to trust or believe in myself is very saddening and I sometimes wish that I'm still that idiotic, clueless girl of the past. Then, at least i wouldn't even realize the situation I'm really in.

I despise my life and hate myself for creating it in the very beginning. Is this the kind of life i've to go through for the next few years? Am i really going for my dreams? Or am i just putting up a show for my parents to see that i can be what they wanted me to be?

All those talk of going to university like the rest of the elders, being able to bring up the family and scoring well for the exams... I'm not some toy that can be manipulate you know! When i want to go the less 'glorious' path, you say you'll 'kill' me. It doesn't make any sense to me...

It hurts to put up a fake smile and nod reluctantly to your philosophy of what i should do in the future. Isn't the future in my hands? Don't i have a say in it?

Ha ha. Going to year two in college? Very funny... I can't even pass my subjects to say the least. Even so, i'd deliberately miss every opportunity to volunteer in stuff that will give me something pleasant to write in my graduating certificate. That way, i'll see how the college can 'accommodate' me...
7:52 PM | 0 comments

Saturday, July 25, 2009

Out of the blue

Gone are the days of being enthusiastic about anything at all.
The time I spent being disappointed again and again had pushed and trapped my enthusiasm in a tiny isolated cell somewhere I could not even reach.

Strange enough, I could see my path clearer than anyone else's. That because unlike the other's path which is full of winding, ups and downs, mine is just a steep drop down the bottomless pit. Such an irony for someone who had people thinking I was 'hardworking' in the past.

I guess this is the harsh reality huh?
The world is never a friendly place at all...
2:37 PM | 0 comments
slacker's letterbox;>
Blogger;xx
The name is Tracia
Don't bother getting to know me...
There's nothing to my name

To those who knew me:...
This is not my way of continuing.
This is the end and the start of something totally different.

Good Bye, old me...


This is it;Xx
This message will only start here and end here.

I will not answer any requests to link anybody.
I do not update regularly.
I do not appreciate spamming nor nonsense.
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